It’s over.

My third year of medical school is officially behind me. I managed to get in a grand total of zero blog posts during grad school, so here’s to a new year with hopefully some more thoughts being shared. I have a lot to reflect on from the past year. It was wonderful. I wish everyone could experience what I did this past year. I think it goes without saying:

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I loved the third year of med school, but I do not want to do it again.

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I loved the third year of med school, but I do not want to do it again.

A year of change.

In the days leading up to my return to med school, I thought “Oh no, I really enjoy doing science, do I really have to go to med school?”. @@ -217,8 +216,7 @@ This is perhaps a bit of cognitive restructuring, but recognizing this is what g

What I didn’t realize is how much of the “classic” material we are fed in the first couple years of med school would come to the forefront. The “sandpaper rash” of scarlet fever really does feel like sandpaper. Nikolsky’s sign actually works. Tripoding for epiglottitis gets the physicians worked up. Don’t forget about von Willebrand’s disease when someone seems to be bleeding a bit too much. TB is out there, watch for hemoptosis. Night sweats, unintended weight loss, is cancer until proven otherwise. And yes, it really can be lupus.

In general, facing the unknown with a sense of earnestness was the way I felt best able to respect those who gathered and passed down the medical knowledge I am privileged to learn today. Sometimes, my excitement to see aspects of medicine would rouse a curious response from the residents. I project here, but I felt a sense of surprise, like that of a doting parent seeing their child experience something new, after forgetting the astonishment they once felt.

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Earnestness is next to med studentlyness.

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Earnestness is next to med studentlyness.

Perhaps what I’m getting at here is that I found it important to bask in the privilege of seeing the pathology I encountered in med school, and to remind the residents of this sensation. I felt childish at times—and perhaps overanimated—but I found this excitement was to my and my resident’s benefit.

My surgery rotation overflowed with examples of wonder of medicine. Partially because of the team I worked with, and the rest because of the undeniable coolness of surgery. The OR is a cool place. The orderliness and chaos ebb. The spans of steady, industrious work are interrupted with staccato notes of bedlam. The anatomy I learned in class was ever present, but the surgeons bemoaned “normal anatomic variation”.

I was struck with wonder at the sight of human anatomy as it unfolded before me. What I was able to experience in the OR felt like the culmination of centuries of human curiosity. There is an ancientness to medicine that I catch flashes of—I could perform the physical exam on humans hundred of millions of years ago and interrogate the same pathologies as I do in the hospital today—and viewing the exposed anatomy is a pressure-bagged infusion of this collective wonder. To gaze upon the peristalsing of the small intestine, or steady beating of the heart is a sight to behold, indeed.

diff --git a/public/posts/my-selfhosting-journey/index.html b/public/posts/my-selfhosting-journey/index.html index bbc70a4..e5685f3 100644 --- a/public/posts/my-selfhosting-journey/index.html +++ b/public/posts/my-selfhosting-journey/index.html @@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ This is despite almost never clicking on them! I have become convinced of the idea that, if you are not paying for the product, you are the product. From this assumption, it follows that anywhere I trust with my data that I am not paying for (like Google Drive, Google Photos, Dropbox, Facebook, Twitter) is using my data to earn money. We know that Google uses the labels you add to Photos to train it’s AI, and Facebook uses (at least) Instagram photos to train it’s AI. For some, the value proposition of allowing a company to use your data for a useful service in return is an acceptable one. I find this to be a reasonable stance, but I took my growing interest in internet privacy as a chance to learn about how I can take control of my data."> - + @@ -131,7 +131,7 @@ I have become convinced of the idea that, if you are not paying for the product, Zachary Billman
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